There are times when I am happy, so happy that I am soaring high in the sky with a feeling so indescribable. I feel powerful like I have the world in the palm of my hands.
And then in one split second, I am falling. Falling so hard, so fast into a deep hole of darkness where anything and everything is non-existent. The world is no longer in the palm of my hands, but on my shoulders weighing me down. When this happens, I feel like I am no more. And I am silently crying, desperately trying to hold onto anyone, someone.. only to find that there is no one.
I don’t know how to tell people without sounding crazy that I am abnormal. I am not your average pretty-face girl. On the outside everything looks wonderful and glamorous, but in the inside I am still a lost child constantly searching for somewhere to belong. I have dreams, maybe a little too big for someone who grew up in a small city. I am often misunderstood and put on a pedestal with unreasonably high expectations… and all I can do is muster the courage to say: I am not who you think I am.
I don’t know how to tell people that I have a hole in my heart, an unfulfilling happiness that I have carried since I was a child. I don’t know how to explain without sounding ungrateful, confusing, and belligerent.
All I can do is hope that somewhere out there there’s someone who feels the same way I do without any valid explanations, but strictly with emotions that we can’t help but feel.
Holding onto this thought is what keeps me going everyday… and why I fight to live.
It’s the very thought that, perhaps, I am not alone.
I will continue to fight. Fight for all of abnormality…. and hopefully one day we will finally find our place in this world together.