Fighting to live

There are times when I am happy, so happy that I am soaring high in the sky with a feeling so indescribable. I feel powerful like I have the world in the palm of my hands.

And then in one split second, I am falling. Falling so hard, so fast into a deep hole of darkness where anything and everything is non-existent. The world is no longer in the palm of my hands, but on my shoulders weighing me down. When this happens, I feel like I am no more. And I am silently crying, desperately trying to hold onto anyone, someone.. only to find that there is no one.

I don’t know how to tell people without sounding crazy that I am abnormal. I am not your average pretty-face girl. On the outside everything looks wonderful and glamorous, but in the inside I am still a lost child constantly searching for somewhere  to belong. I have dreams, maybe a little too big for someone who grew up in a small city. I am often misunderstood and put on a pedestal with unreasonably high expectations… and all I can do is muster the courage to say: I am not who you think I am.

I don’t know how to tell people that I have a hole in my heart, an unfulfilling happiness that I have carried since I was a child. I don’t know how to explain without sounding ungrateful, confusing, and belligerent.

All I can do is hope that somewhere out there there’s someone who feels the same way I do without any valid explanations, but strictly with emotions that we can’t help but feel.

Holding onto this thought is what keeps me going everyday… and why I fight to live. 

It’s the very thought that, perhaps, I am not alone

I will continue to fight. Fight for all of abnormality…. and hopefully one day we will finally find our place in this world together.

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One thought on “Fighting to live

  1. Hang in there Gloria, just know that you’re not the only one. Several others are going through the exact same thing, I myself am going through something similar. Best thing to do is to always stay true to yourself, respect yourself, love yourself, and never give up. Let our experiences strengthen us, make better and smarter decisions, and always stay positive. Idk if you’re a religious person or not but I am and I am going to let God guide my way and I’ll wait for his blessings.

    Like

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